It was a time about a year ago when I was 10 we went to this place called Ardeonaig with our class mates for a week without parents!!!!
We were at Ardeonaig it was a place where it was non stop extreme fun. it was all fun until the last part cliff diving everyone jumped off the cliff one by one except me.
All the girls went at the lowest elevated point and jumped, and all the boys when at the medium elevated point, and if I jumped at the lowest elevated point which was still scary I would be a wimp.
So I said to my friends I could do it so they don't make fun of me. The water from the medium point was about 15 meters the lowest was 10 meters and the highest was 30 meters, and if I didn't do it I would be marked for life, oh the other scary part was that the water was a really dark blue.
So then I decided I would jump from the lowest elevated point and said to myself who cares if someone calls me a wimp, I was about to jump when someone said wimp.
So I got angry and I did care and I went to the top and said this is for the person who called me wimp I jumped from 30 meters and in the air I said you guys are the wimps now and it was the most fun thing I ever did so I did it 4 more times it was the best day of my life because it was so fun and I also faced my fears.
All the girls went at the lowest elevated point and jumped, and all the boys when at the medium elevated point, and if I jumped at the lowest elevated point which was still scary I would be a wimp.
So I said to my friends I could do it so they don't make fun of me. The water from the medium point was about 15 meters the lowest was 10 meters and the highest was 30 meters, and if I didn't do it I would be marked for life, oh the other scary part was that the water was a really dark blue.
So then I decided I would jump from the lowest elevated point and said to myself who cares if someone calls me a wimp, I was about to jump when someone said wimp.
So I got angry and I did care and I went to the top and said this is for the person who called me wimp I jumped from 30 meters and in the air I said you guys are the wimps now and it was the most fun thing I ever did so I did it 4 more times it was the best day of my life because it was so fun and I also faced my fears.
Hi PJ I like how you admitted that you were scared of hieghts. You also told us why you actually jumped off the highest point. You had some punctuation problems (I think) because you forgot the fullstop at the end of your story. You had good details and you put humor into your story. But you could have used better vocabulary because most of your vocab or words were really easy. You had good details but there could have been more details because the story was practically one big paragraph. Did the other boys jump from the highest point?
ReplyDeleteHey PJ! Your blog post was straight to the point and it was very clearly written. You have put a lot of humor into you writing and the picture actually makes your blog post more exiting to read. You do have some punctuation errors as Pratiti said. Be more careful next time. That’s it.
ReplyDeleteDeeban:Hi PJ i never knew that when you faced your fears it would be fun and you really described how you felt about jumping from the cliff. Like sheta said your picture matches your text. I think you could work on your punctuation and your capitalization.And you should change your yellow highlights on your text because its a bit confusing. And good job and vist http://gfernandez17.blogspot.com/ and comment on mine.
ReplyDeleteWow PJ, your so lucky your fear of hights actually went away! Or did it? Anyway me facing my fears made my fear worse. Looks like that didn't happen to you, lucky.
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph was well written except you forgot some full stops. (.) Pratiti was right, it sorta does look like one big paragraph. Maybe you did spend hours on it but it looks sort of rushed. You did good but you can do better.
I also(just like Pratiti)didn't know you used to be afraid of hights. It doesn't look like you are!
P.J. I never knew that you were afraid of heights. You look like you have no fears at all. It seems like you do not like to be made fun of and called names. When other people call you names you get a little mad and do something you would not do regularly. I like the way you write but there are some punctuation errors, which makes the blog post entry a little confusing. I also agree with Allison and Pratiti, the story looks just as if it is just one big paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThis is AkiraF
Signing out
PJ
ReplyDeleteI suppose this Ardonaig place is in Scotland personally I would be more worried about the temperature (isn't cold up there?). Marked for life huh? Seems like you used to take this height s thing pretty seriously. I certainly do, that's why I'm short to scared to be tall. I didn't think you thought so much about what people thought about you.